The Astonishing Color of After
Written By: Emily X.R. Pan
I didn't cry. That was not my mother. My mother is free in the sky. She doesn't have the burden of a human body, is not made up of a single dot of gray. My mother is a bird.
"What color?" Axel said quietly. This is the question we always ask to figure out what the other person's feeling. We've been best friends since Mrs. Donavan's art class--long enough that that's all we need. One color to describe a mood, success, a failure, a wish.
The night before her mother's funeral, Leigh wakes up in the middle of the night to a sharp rap on the door. It wasn't a dream. When she opens the front door and looks out into the purple, dark night, she sees a streak of crimson with a tail sailing like a flag.
I wasn't frightened, even when the bird glided straight across the lawn to land on the porch...standing full height, the creature was nearly as tall as me. "Leigh," said the bird. I would have known that voice anywhere.
A box of Leigh's mother's memories shows up on the front door the same evening she sees the scarlet bird. Leigh and her father find an unfinished note, I want you to remember. What did Leigh's mom want them to remember? When red bird feathers begin showing up everywhere, Leigh's father books two tickets to Taiwan, her mother's birthplace. Leigh's story twists between present day, smoke & memories and a heartbreaking and beautiful journey through brilliant and dark colors.
Emily X.R. Pan touches on a subject in this novel that is difficult to discuss, but has unfortunately been written into many peoples stories. Leigh's mother dies from suicide. This a heavy topic and one very difficult to discuss and even more difficult for those that have lost a loved one to this internal battle. Emily entwines the seriousness of this topic with the necessary and beautiful journey that Leigh goes on to learn about her mother and Taiwanese roots. This story will make you cry, smile and hug your loved ones a little tighter.
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About the Author: Emily X.R. Pan
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
Alliance of Hope for Suicide Survivors
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